Danger Walden (dangerwalden) wrote,
Danger Walden

Danger's 12 Steps

February was tough. Very, very tough. I relapsed! I'm back, though. Relapse was degrading and dehumanizing. My addiction was displayed for all to see. At work, when it's your birthday, you take a snack to our kitchen to share with everyone. I brought in my downfall, potato chips and French onion dip. I couldn't stop eating it. I was feeling full, I had to run to the bathroom a few times, I ate at my desk...

I went back for more and more and more...

I found some literature about relapsing, recovering from relapse, and preventing relapse. Very helpful.

For me, it's keeping a food journal and asking someone to be my food sponsor; someone to whom I can commit a daily food plan. Until I find someone, I'll just use Vincent, my HP.

Some random thoughts on recovery: Abstinence doesn't mean that I can eat everything just because I'm abstinent! I'm using positive reinforcement for bad eating and other addictive behaviors. Abstinence can't be taken in baby steps; I can't stay away from drive throughs only to buy that huge cheeseburger with the huge bun at that small grocery store. One is too many and a hundred is not enough. Break the cycle and keep abstinence. Nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels. When I take abstinence, I take time and money.

Step One is the "first things first" step. It's the step about responsibility and accountability.
Tags: 12 steps
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